The Wrong Thing

The questionable act of the 3rd in line to the English throne dressing up as a Nazi has prompted the premature launch of my online journal of the unfortunate, unwise, and just plain stupid. Go to 'www.thewrongthing.com' to see the first twitches of a handwringing glee.

careful with that axe, Eugene

I remember someone telling me about some hypnosis tapes they'd bought. Each had a message printed on them 'do not play while driving'. Call me stupid.
A frozen pizza comes with the message 'filling will be hot when removed from oven' and a candle 'caution; fire may burn'. Everyone, it seems, has to cover themselves against consumer terrorist lawsuit firebomb attacks.
'Look, it's yours now, we've had your money. Be careful, but don't blame us. We are not respinsible. For anything.' would suit me fine.

new life, glowing

Like a warm pasty fresh from the microwave. Feel the pastry warming as the heat slowly reaches out from its molten core like a new life, glowing.
A bit late, but welcome to 2005. Some of us are a bit slow coming round you know.

mild panic

I wondered how I'd describe my life using the new film classification which seems to accompany adverts for new releases. You know the sort of stuff, 'mild violence, frequent sexual references, two kangaroo fetish jokes'.
'Mild panic, (very) infrequent sexual scenes, gratuitous boredom complex' is my first hollow stab at mediocrity.

dead santas

I spotted two dead santas on the school run this morning. There seems to be some sort of defect in these 12-foot inflatable horrors which are dominating the skyline in Cwm Llynfi. Either that or a phantom santa-puncturer is stalking the valley.
It's all too horrible to contemplate.

Rydhsys rag Kernow lemmyn!

Me and Lisa Simpson.
I am not, strictly speaking a religious man. Nevertheless the publication of the New Testament in the Celtic language of Cornish must be seen as some kind of miracle. There is no doubt that Christianity helped the Welsh language to survive and flourish during darker days (and that Welsh helped Christianity flourish too). That my children's first language is Welsh is a testament to the combined forces of Celtic Christianity and language. We had no Dark Ages here you know, merely an Age of Saints.
The website Warlinenn will tell you more of the Cornish story, but one significant event is that Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury is to hold a bilingual service on Sunday at Truro Cathedral to commemorate the translation from Greek into Cornish.
A second significant event is to occur on Christmas Day, when Channel 4 will screen a 4-minute Simpsons special where Lisa fights for the cause of Cornish independence. This will be broadcast at exactly the same time as the Queen's speech on BBC and ITV.
Some days my heart feels stronger.

inner space

The Dalai Lama's website is still under construction, so I guess I'll have to look elsewhere for inner peace today. Possibly not Uri-Geller.com, although a story does come to mind.
A troubleshooter from Dwr Cymru (Welsh Water) had come to check on my water supply. He needed to check where the pipe ran underground but hadn't brought his expensive exploration equipment (whatever that was). 'No problem.' he said, and picked up a nearby stick. He then started 'dowsing', and managed to follow the pipe from the road right through the garden into the house. Very impressive, I thought.